What's up family? Long time no speak. Trust that mugs have been trying to get it together and whether or not it is working is a whole 'nother issue...Any way... I gots a whole bunch of things that must get out of my head and on to paper and this is just a start....
Imma need.....
1. Hillary to sit down somewhere!!!!! Immediately! You are an embarrassment boo and Im'ma tell you why...
A. Before I go completely all the way off, know that I used to like this broad. I thought she was a strong, viable candidate and she is smart as a whip. So I respected her for that, but now I am through with her donkey!
B. Here is some over-due advice Hills... DO YOU!!!!!! If you had done you at the beginning, you wouldn't have peed me off. I feel that I do not know who you are or what you represent as you change your image/personality e'ry 20 seconds. You act like that PMS chic that is on da rag and all over the damn place. One minute your trying to be stoic and the next, your crying like a beeotch! You cry cause the media is f-ing with you? Are you serious? What you goin do when crazy azz terrorists are on set? Gasp and Swoon and fall the freak out? Listen Danielson, you gangstered your way through all of Bill's ho scandals like a trooper and now you want to cry foul at the media. If there was anytime you would have been justified to break down, it was during that mess. We all wanted to slap that freak out of Bill. But we're passed that and now you're crying at the media? Stop it! Follow the standard of Dubya and stay the damn course. Stop trying to be who you think folks want you to be. Fire every male in your campaign that tells you to pony up. Its not working and I'm a mad voter. In a minute, imma bout to be in the Green Party.
C. If you had done you and appeared with some Jeans and Crocs, I would have gave you mad credit, but instead, you parlay the Laura Bush Yellows and the Tight Beeoch Blues, and I'm over it. Don't want you as my Commander in Chief because you look like you would just snap all ill-advised, be out of pocket, cry and say, "I know you are but what am I?" Red Freaking Light!
D. Attacking Barack's pastor? For real? Don't disrespect the Black Church, missy. This is an area you know nothing about and you are out of order. Imma need a funeral home fan and a building fund envelope, so I can go up side your head straight Aunt Esther style. Stop with the mud-slinging boo! Not a good look and the only animals that play in mud are PIGS.... I smells bacon!
Moving on.....
2. Imma need the new governor of New York to sit has azz down somewheres. Can you stop telling on yourself? let the media do their job and find out some ish. Next thing you know, Im'ma hear about how you ordered 6 chicken nuggets and got 7 and didn't tell no body. *lips to the side*
3. Imma need for Tyra to stop with ANTM. I loves Tyra! You my gurl boo! But for real? I haven't seen these broads out side of the show and there are too many I can't keep up. They all look like remixes of each other. When mugs show up imitating the previous nobody that won, its is wack! Cloning is real!
4. Imma need for kids killing kids to stop in the Chi! Guns really kill and you can't turn the game off and start ova! Trust that you are not that hard thug if you are carrying a gun and killing folks. Is your life really that hard? All you got to do is go to school and get an edumacation. Truth: being an adult is hard. But you are at the prime of your life, young'un. Now you done caught a case, and as a former prosecutor, they are about to send you to adult jail with your kiddie ass wit no pass go! Bam! Life over for real! And tell yo family to stop passing the hell out in court like you was an angel. If your punk ass mama had a done what she was supposed to, maybe we wouldn't be here on a murder case. I have no sympathy for the family that fronts like Ray Ray was a good kid when he was 19 and in the 9th grade, tatoos of dead homies on his back, and his pants hanging to his knees. Ain't no coming back from jail, rehabilitation is a lie and ain't no broads in jail. Folks ain't really hiring a mug with a correctional facility degree in Marketing. Think about it!
5. Imma need for mugs to stop hitting on folk at the gym. You are wack and it is not cute. The last thing I need is for a 4 ft 5 brother with a big top body sitting on a little lower body trying to holla. Don't try and catch a chic while she jacked, sweaty and mad that she at the gym. Specially when she is in the weight room. You might get a barbell to the head bruh?! Further, upon introducing your wack ass, don't add a dang nickname. Not cute and real ill! Listen, ahhh, Willie, for real, carry yo azz on!
6. Imma need for folks to buy clothes to fit their body. If you got side pillows, don't buy tight shirts that make you look like a double cheese burger. You know you didn't look right when you left the house, so why you mad that I shouted Hamburgerler when you rolled pass? If you do not have a booty, stop bring attention to it. I'm tired of driving my car and ending up on your neck cause I can't tell where the road ended and your back began. And while I'm at it....skinny jeans are for skinny folk. If you are looking for skinny jeans in a size 16, you are foul. Look for some swimmy jeans and carry yo azz on!
To be continued...
